I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
