that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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