You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
