Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
