i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
