It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
