dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
