Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
