When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
P.S. I can't hear my feet
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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