my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
