I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
