I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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