I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
