You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
