Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
