I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
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