his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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