glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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