have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
