Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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