I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
