You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
