the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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