Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
