Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
