Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
