sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
