it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
