This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
