i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
worst night to have a conscience
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
