On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
