hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
