3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
