i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
They left me at home... I'm a liability
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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