Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
