I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
