now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
