I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
