ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
