just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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