You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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