I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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