i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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