Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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