I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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