When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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