My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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