Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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