Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
