tell your sister to shave her snatch
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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