I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
