Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
