Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
