I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
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