I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just threw up on my dentist
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
