This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
